I want another baby. The thing is, I don’t really. I know deep down that I don’t – but my body and mind are in cahoots to fool me.
I decided pretty quickly after Little dude was born that I was done having babies and for 16 months I have stood by that choice I made. However, two months ago I joined the marketing team of a well-known baby brand – and that’s changed everything!
I talk babies all day long, I’m surrounded by baby paraphernalia, and I get to meet the most gorgeous babies too. My hormones have gone in to overdrive and my ovaries are practically screaming at me to get cracking on baby number 3. But you see, it’s only the newborn baby bit I’m craving. That lovely moment when you hold your newborn for the first time, those lovely newborn cuddles.
My little family have just entered what I consider the next chapter for us and I know that in reality I am done with the baby phase. Plus, I was no good with pregnancy, in fact I was rubbish at it.
Here’s why I think I want another baby:
- Scans – seeing that little bean for the first time and the excitement.
- The feeling of having a baby inside you. Feeling those little kicks and movements really is magical.
- That indescribable feel-good feeling the moment you hold your baby for the first time.
- Gazing at your newborn in sheer wonder and feeling completely at ease with the world.
- Those absolutely amazing newborn cuddles.
And here’s why I know I don’t:
- Morning sickness. I had it with Little miss and Little dude – 24/7. I hate being sick.
- The worry that comes with pregnancy. Having miscarried twice I find pregnancy very scary and stressful. Every twinge sends me in to meltdown.
- I suffer with IBS and pregnancy seems to send it in to overdrive. Not pleasant.
- Breastfeeding. Twice I have wanted to do it with every part of my being. Twice, despite my best efforts I have failed, and twice it’s caused me stress, misery, and senses of failure.
- PND. I struggled big time after both of my babies. The tears and meltdowns people saw and the tears and meltdowns I hid. Feelings of isolation and misery. Anxiety attacks that I still struggle with. I don’t think my sanity could take those months post-birth again.
- Sleepless nights. I like my sleep and I don’t cope well with the whole getting up in the night thing.
- The expense. The purse strings are stretched to their limit with two!
So in conclusion. Babies are seriously cute, but I don’t want another one. Hear that ovaries, I don’t. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t….